Sit Ubu sit…good dog

May 18, 2011 // by Jen // OurBlogs // 1 Comment

Why is it my dogs seem to listen to me better than my children do? If my dog gets in the trash and I catch him all I do is point and tell him to “go lay on your bed” and he walks, head drooping in the proper amount of shame, and silently does exactly what I said to do. I catch my children getting into sugar, flour, vaseline or whatever is messiest and I am immediately met with “I didn’t mean to” whined/screamed at me. When I say “go to your room” it is followed by wailing, sobbing and protest. The dog, an animal that eats kibble and whetever it finds in the litterbox, seems to understand and accept the consequences without so much as a glance. The child, once they finally drag themselves to their “cell” continues to try and mount their defense. Even the dog looks at me like “what the heck? Control your kid lady”. It seriously makes me want to take my kids to obedience classes. I wonder which would be more uncomfortable, the looks at a pet behavior class as I march my three children in or the looks I get when we walk into the grocery store at any given time. Pick your humiliation. Not to mention the looks we would get when anyone at said grocery store grabs a newspaper and my kids all immediately sit at attention. Guess I’ll have to rethink my position on discipline after all….

Technology Is Handy In A Pinch

Jan 10, 2011 // by Christy // OurBlogs // Comments Off

A long time ago BK (Before Kids), I was at a restaurant with my husband and noticed a family sitting at a table in back of us. The parents we’re having nice discussion and the child, wait a minute, is that a DVD player that child is watching? “Don’t those parents know how to control their child in a restaurant for 30 minutes to an hour?” I thought to myself. It was honestly an awful thought to me…the degeneration of family. This morning, I’m sitting in a restaurant trying to have a nice breakfast discussion with Lyn and Anne is rolling around in the booth, ducking under the table, and lolling around in my lap. I was at my wits end. I reached in my bag, pulled out my iPad and propped it up on the table while turning on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She was a saint the rest of the time we were there. Seriously, she’s never been so good at a restaurant. I finally got it. It wasn’t necessarily that those parents couldn’t control their child, they just wanted to sit down and talk to each other over dinner without having to worry about trying to entertain, or continually tell their son to sit down, be quiet, etc. It worked so well at breakfast that I used my new method this afternoon when the kids were waiting for me to get my haircut. Childless people, judge me if you must, but I can’t deny that having a source of outside entertainment certainly comes in handy in a pinch!

Christy

Christmas is over…

Dec 29, 2010 // by Christy // OurBlogs // Comments Off

Christmas is over and we had a wonderful holiday, but again, it is OVER. To me that means that children should be back in school. My kids have been spending way to much “quality time” together and have now started trying to kill each other. Ok, maybe kill is too strong a term…let’s go with maim. This was evidenced yesterday as Grace was chasing her little sister around the house with scissors sing song/yelling, “Chop, chop!” and laughing maniacally. Honestly, I’m at my wits end with both of them. To make things worse, we got 14 inches of snow the other day, the 3rd largest snow accumulation in a century here. Being from Florida, I don’t drive in the snow, so essentially we’ve been snowed in for the last 4 days. I swear my hair has thinned considerably over that time from me pulling it out. On the bright side, my Alaskan husband has been in his element and got our sidewalk and driveway shoveled in record time! With his expert guidance the girls have an impressive snow cave and had many a snowball fight. In short, they have had a blast, but I must honestly say that I am really looking forward to next week when normalcy will once again reign supreme!

Nobody’s Puppet

Dec 26, 2010 // by Jen // OurBlogs // Comments Off

The holidays are upon us. Family and friends are lavishing my kids with thoughtful gifts. The kids are so excited at prospect of aquiring new stuff they can call their own. So tell me where this enthusiasm goes when it is time for the thank you? Don’t get me wrong, my children are not ungrateful by any means. My two youngest are pretty good at displaying a good “excitement to thank you ratio”. My oldest, who is an incredibly thoughtful and helpful boy is also the one who is ready to be a poker champion. He doesn’t show his emotions around anyone but immediate family for the most part. He does very well in his chosen sports (wrestling and football) yet when he is congratulated for something he has done well you can barely hear the “thanks”… I have considered writing up an explanation in flyer form so I can hand it to anyone who might try to compliment or even communicate with him. It would be something like: “Thank you so much!! While my son might seem like he is ignoring your kindness, he is going to be excitedly talking to me about it in the car when we leave. Please don’t think he is rude. I know it is hard to believe he is shy when you just saw him going after his opponent/s like a wildcat, but really, he is….”
I can get really frustrated about this and find myself telling him to “say thank you louder”, I don’t want people to think badly of him. I want to scream “this is the same child who was brought to tears by the kindness of the the young man at the convenience store that always told him good luck before each football game when he would get his gatorade!!” Kindness, especially the kindness of strangers or people that go out of the way to help others for no other reason than plain old kindness, really blow him away. He is so affected by the world yet, he is stone faced until it is just him and mom and/or dad. It may bring me to my wits endwhen I see him mouth a thank you to his adoring fans (ok, in my mind, he is a rock star). But again there is a part of me that loves that his smiles and excitement are all mine. I have a feeling that someday it all could change, after all my aggravation about this, I was exactly the same as a child, and just ask my friends, now you can’t shut me up!

Holiday Bliss…Not Quite

Dec 21, 2010 // by Christy // OurBlogs // Comments Off

So, I watched one of my favorite Christmas movies last night, Scrooge with Albert Finney. That’s the musical one and there are wonderful songs on it, many of which I catch myself singing throughout the year. Last night after I climbed into bed, I felt my toes tapping and paid attention to which song was running through my head. It was the song I hate people. A couple of lines are “I hate people, I detest them, I deplore them when I think of insolent masses sitting on their indolent asses I hate people.” Hmmmm, apparently my unconscious is trying to tell me something. I admit I have been feeling a bit stressed due to getting a late start (vacation set back) on my holiday decorating etc. I was outside putting blowup things in the yard yesterday in freezing temperatures…I was NOT in the Christmas spirit and was at my wits end. Plus I have Grace crying everytime we get a new package in the mail and Anne’s present is bigger than hers and Anne crying because I won’t let her open the presents the minute we remove them from the box they are delivered in. They outgrow this right? In the mean time I guess I’ll bundle up more to go outside and make sure I have my headphones on with cheery Christmas music blaring everytime a package arrives. That should do it…positive thinking and not hating people, a good first step to Christmas bliss!

My forensic skills surprise even me!

Dec 4, 2010 // by Jen // OurBlogs // Comments Off

Ok, picture it, after James’ wrestling practice. Two younger kids are asleep in there beds, James is having a glass of milk before he retires. As I return the milk I happen to notice an oddly shaped hunk of cheddar, the corner bitten off. Hmm, it is secure in its ziploc bag, that rules out the three year old. Upon closer examination I see that the tooth marks are wide (not baby teeth) and there are lines in them proving further that they are permanent teeth. Now Mary has begun losing her baby teeth but they are only the bottom ones and they are barely out of the gate. I lay all this evidence out for the big guy and he attempts to blame the sister (she is his “go to” scapegoat). I again explain that even though she is growing grown up teeth these are top teeth and it is virtually impossible that it was her. I then throw out there the list of possible people of interest in the household. James, daddy, and mommy. I think for a second he thought of putting it on dad, after all, dad is a notorious lover of cheese. But alas, dad is better at covering his tracks and would use a knife. The thought flickered out of his big innocent cow-like eyes as quickly as it came. With this information now processing his eyes narrow and then he attempts to look me in the eye. Bam! Got him! A quick blush and the corner of his mouth creeped up. And….admission of guilt. You can’t beat good forensic evidence. I hope that this lesson was learned and filed away because darn, the boy is only gonna get smarter!

Things that happen when I use the bathroom

Nov 28, 2010 // by Jen // OurBlogs // Comments Off

I described to a friend today how my three year old, Matthew, happened to put his top tooth through his lower lip. As I am explaining how it came about I realize how it sounds…”he pushed a chair up to the kitchen counter so he could climb up to the cabinets. He slipped off the chair and banged his face…” Oh, someone call social services! Where were you when he was attempting to maim himself?? I’ll tell ya! I was using the bathroom. Yep, the majority of household mayhem occurs while I’m indisposed. Turf wars between siblings over the best spot on the couch while simultaneously bickering over what channel to watch. (mind you this is not an extended visit to the “fortress of solitude” but a quick pit stop and still they make the most out of it!) Talk about wits end?? Never mind a shower! I have to watch them like wildlife until they settle into their own distractions. I then turn on the water and tiptoe out to see if they’re spooked at all from the sound. Still busy I dart into the bathroom undressing on the go. I leave the bathroom door open because even the most distracted child will pick up on the sound of water running behind a closed door. They will proceed to the kitchen to gnaw on a stick of butter or unload an entire bottle of dishwashing liquid into an empty sink. We must be alert at all times, door open, towel/robe ready for an emergency exit, and of course the “time check”. The time check is used with the older siblings who can read numbers well enough to parrot them back to you. This not only keeps you abreast of the time but also allows you to triangulate the children’s positions in the house. Did they run from a taboo location to read the clock? And of course there is the inherent need to be a snitch. The love of being a tattle tale keeps them honest and if one child catches another you can bet you are gonna hear about it from the “good” child (in that particular incident of course, not in general) These are just some of the tactics I employ in the name of personal hygiene. Of course we must evolve along with our crafty children. Good luck and God speed (seriously, no standing there letting the hot water run down your face, in and out people)!!

Got Milk…and is it paid for?

Nov 26, 2010 // by Lyn // OurBlogs // Comments Off

Doing the right thing is never as difficult as when you are a parent. Not just because of the example you constantly have to set, but having to do so normally under great pressure from the very ones for which you are setting such an example (ah, sweet irony…how I curse you)! Take for example an average shopping trip with my 5 & 2 year old, which is typically mission impossible in the first place (get in, get out, with minimal store damage, post-traumatic victims or child tantrums…good luck)! This day was no exception. After a record 10 minutes in the shopping cart, my 2 year old, Eva, was already over it, while my 5 year old, Andy, was either playing stealth shopper, constantly slipping out of my sight, or asking for every product at child eye-level. I was more than happy to head for the check-out lane, even happier to be allowed into the 12 items or less express lane with 14 items, and thrilled to have what seemed like the fastest scanner-gun slinger in the east checking us out! I head out to the car, open the side door to start grocery transfer, when I look underneath Eva’s dangling feet to see the two gallons of milk on the bottom rack of the cart. Of course (enter Captain Irony to wreak further havoc to our lives)! Yes I forgot to get them on the counter to be rung up…I always fear such things every time I nervously place any item in the cart’s “no man’s land,” but with two kids in tow I’m usually good about examining the entire cart, including frisking my kids, just to ensure that shoplifting phase hasn’t kicked in during our trip. Neither of my kids were aware that the milk was not paid for, and being that they were at their wits end as much as I was, I knew they wanted to be done with the store. Meanwhile the store & its patrons seemed relieved the moment we headed out the door (I could even have sworn that a Broadway-style musical number was beginning as the automatic doors were closing). So many were going to be further victims to my slip-up having to return to the store to pay for the milk, that I started running alternative options in my head! Plan B: Ask someone making their way inside to just hand the cashier my $6 bucks and a “sorry about that” shout-out along with it. Plan C: Call the store, giving them the UPC numbers and my credit card number to make this “accidental shoplifting” thing just go away. Plan D: See if that awesome casher with her scanner gun could reach the bar codes on the cartons from the store window to my car in the parking lot (isn’t that technology here yet)! Did I ever consider just leaving without rectifying the situation? Sadly, yes…for a brief moment of desperation, I considered the easy way out. In the end, I did what was inevitable: Head back into the store, get back in line with screaming kids, try to ignore the put-outs looks of everyone else in the store, so that I could do the right thing. Not just because that is who I am (my conscious would never let me hear the end of it, otherwise), but because setting an example for my kids doesn’t mean just when they are looking or when it’s convenient. So 10 painful minutes later, I was back at the car loading up, feeling surprisingly pleased despite the tantrums my kids were throwing, because I did what was right, not what was easy, even if the cashier and I were the only ones aware of the whole dilemma. So the moral of my story isn’t just to set a good example and do the right thing. It is also to write a blog about it so that others, including your kids someday, will know what I had to endure as a parent. Hey, I said to do the right thing regardless if they are looking or not, I didn’t say we still couldn’t point it out to them later…so take that, Captain Irony!

I Want That…To Stop!

Nov 18, 2010 // by Lyn // OurBlogs // 1 Comment

Just like months before November elections, when political ads are everywhere, so too are the toy commercials months before Christmas (I’m waiting to see yard signs and bumper stickers stating “Change Wii Can Believe In”). And they are not just on during the shows geared for kids…I could avoid those by sticking to commercial free channels, or dare I say, turning off the TV altogether! No, they are on anytime, anywhere, and non-stop. It’s the far reaching arm of the advertiser hoping children will be in the vicinity of the TV when their ads air, since most are definitely geared directly towards them. And my kids get taken for a ride every time, suckered into the allure of fun music, laughing children, and cartoon characters having the time of their lives no matter how lousy the product may be that’s being promoted! Give me a little uninterrupted time with my computer, and with some basic animation, pics of some happy kids and “Who Let The Dogs Out” playing in the background, and I could make a rubber band be the Tickle Me Elmo of 2010! If advertisers have any motto they follow marketing to children, it would be: If it looks fun, we’ve won! And once the commercials start, so does the inevitable response from my children. Without fail, I hear the words for the first time that I know I’ll hear for the rest of 2010: “I want that!”

I could handle it if they said it just once per commercial (although that is a strong compromise) but it is said over and over again until we reach our wits end and are forced to acknowledge their statement to finally shut them up (‘til the next toy is seen). My 5 year old is a pro at it, and not realizing the strong influence of an older child on a sibling with my second child, I was not pleased to hear my 2 year old start uttering the phrase, as well! Needless to say it gets old quickly, not just in its obnoxious repetition, but with the notion that my kids have the completely wrong idea about Christmas. We’re still working on the “To give is better than to receive” idea, cutting them a little slack since they are still young. But “Ask and ye shall receive” is not the message I want them to walk away from when it comes to the holidays, and no matter how much we lecture them about how there has to be enough toys for every child to get presents on Christmas or that we can’t own every toy (since no matter how high you think you are on Santa’s Nicest Kids of All Time list to deserve such a sled-load of goodies, we don’t even have room for the toys you already have), those words of advice were quickly dismissed from their thoughts once the commercials came back on or the Big Book of Toys catalog from Toys R Us was delivered. So my husband and I have started to fight fire with fire (which is completely against all of my hubby’s instincts as a firefighter)! Now when any commercial is on, that’s not for kids, we yell out the same thing that they do, over and over again. An ad for a diamond anniversary ring…”I want that!” The new Lexus car commercial…”I want that!” A Hotwire commercial for a getaway to Hawaii…”I want that!” That’s when our son called our bluff: “Mommy, you can’t fit an island in our house!” But I want it, I threw back at him. And surprisingly he retorted with: “Well, just because you want something doesn’t mean you get it!” Okay…moral of the story received…now we’ll just have to wait and see if our kids will keep that message in mind Christmas morning, or if I hear my son cry out, “Hey…where’s my rubber band?”

It’s Like The Game Of Survivor

Nov 15, 2010 // by Christy // OurBlogs // 1 Comment

There usually isn’t much substance to my arguments with Grace. She’s only 5 so it isn’t as much a battle of wits as it is a flood of tears or an I don’t like you anymore mommy type moment. Yesterday, however, was different. I caught her in the middle of a lie. I calmly explained that lying is wrong and will not be tolerated and the next time I catch her lying to me I’ll take away her dollhouse. Her dollhouse is huge so before when I have “taken away her dollhouse” I just turn it around so it’s facing the wall and she can’t get into it. Usually this threat brings tears to her eyes or at least causes her to pause and reflect on the situation. This time she looked at me, threw her hands on her hips and said, “Well I’ll just turn it back around then.” Wait, was that back talk I just heard? So I jump directly into the power struggle guns blaring. “Well, I’ll just have your Daddy throw it in the garbage can!” There, that’ll show her! Little did I know she had more up her sleeve. “Well I’ll just have Santa bring me a new one!” This was the last straw. She had pushed me to my wits end. “I OWN Santa! Santa is Mommy’s bitch and he doesn’t do anything unless Mommy says…” Oh wait, that’s what I said in my head. What I really said was, “Santa doesn’t bring presents to children who lie, so if Mommy tells Santa you lied you won’t get anything at all for Christmas.” This time she tearfully got the point that she had indeed been outwitted…Momma don’t play that game. I was telling Eric about it that evening, and he said when he was in London recently and went to Harrods, they had gnomes everywhere. Finally he asked about them and was told that parents buy one and put it in a different spot in their house everyday. They tell their children that Santa sent the gnome to watch them and every time they do something wrong the gnome reports back to Santa. Looks like this mommy is getting herself a gnome…and it looks like Grace is going to be outplayed! Now I just need to outlast and maybe Jeff Probst will show up on my doorstep with a million dollars. Lord knows all of us mommys deserve it! And let her keep it up, next thing she knows it’s going to be Christmas morning. She’ll run out all excited to an empty tree skirt around the tree, look up at me inquisitively with those big blue eyes and all I’ll have to say is , “I got nothin for ya, head back to camp.”